Goal!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I, I'll know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.

So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Something that's different .(something that's different)

Different - Acceptance

So,i saw her twice in a week.Public transport was involved each time.
The first time,it was on tuesday.she was walking along the corridor tht leads to her house.i was in the public transport.
You know,most man practise some form of abstinency.well,i'm no different.
i tend to avoid sitting on the left side of the bus whenever i can.it's not that i wanna be right by sitting in the right.it's because of what i can't see when i'm sitting on the right.
however,i was sitting in the middle of the backrow seats that day.
some old habits die hard.
turned my head to the left,and there she was,walking,going on about her day without knowing what she has just done to me.
There was this urge to just get down the bus and approach her.But me being me,remain seated.It was nice lah,in some kind of way to see her again after all this time.
i didn't ask for more,i was contented,happy just to be able to steal a glimspe of her again.Yet when friday came,i saw her again.

And she saw me too.

She waved and smiled.

My eyes brightened up.
The eyebrows raised.
My mouth transitting into a smile.

But wait,something made me stop.
The woman i love smiling at me.How could i not smile too.

Hold on for a moment.She's attached now.
There was this guy behind her.

So,i did something which i've never done before.
Pretend i saw nothing and turned my back on her with a sacrastic "ha".

Didn't really end here.

In my mind,i completated of just walking away from all that.Bt there's no one that i can go to since i've just parted ways with zhili jiawei the usual.
Then again,the queue's long.maybe we won't board the same bus.

Well, i was wrong.
Boarded the bus,went to the back and sat on the right.
She too,boarded the bus.
along with that guy. and went to the standing area on the right.
friggin lord.
i must have done something really really wrong this week to deserve that.

That bus journey was hell.
half an hour of mental torture.
well,i did my best to look away and not what's infront of me.

Maybe what i did that night was wrong perhaps,but i dunnoe how to react to this kind of situation.
All the talk of being the bigger man.
well,that bigger man didn't show himself that day.

Alighted at my stop at eight going on to nine.
reached home at around 12 plus, one liddat.
thanks for the company and for bearing with my crap,it meant alot.

3:19 AM