Goal!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I'm drained.Really drained.Spent and wasted.
Physically,i'm drained from work.
Mentally, i'm drained by you.
Now,i'm barely alive nor dead.
tired.Sick of this life.
I'm just a goddamn 16 year old.
Why is all this shit happening?y?
Once,i used to have you by my side.
Now, the only thing keeping me sane is gone.
It did'nt end the way i wanted it to be.
Instead, you left behind a trail of mental devastation on my side.
For the near future,i dun think i can truly step out of this mess.
That's how much you meant to me.
For one of the worst month of my life,you were there for me.
On the 28th,you stepped into my life.
On the 27th,you got out of it.
Perharps it's destiny.
i don't believe in such stuff.Wait,i did'nt use to believe in such stuff.
Now, you tell me how can i dun believe in this?
One month.
Even the time when it started and ended is the same.
And just the night before,i was telling leslie that i'll never,never become the third person to suffer their fate.24hours later, he proved me wrong.
Ha.
To think i've just probably spent the best christmas in my life tht day wif you.
Whenever i think of all the time spent wif you,my heartaches,literally.The kind of pain that makes you cringe on the floor.The kind of pain that makes a person throw himself into self despair just so he could avoid that pain.
It's only so painful not because all those memories were bad ones but rather, they are and still are, beautiful memories.Made more painful because i'll never be able to have moments like that with you again.
Why?Just why?
Maybe i did the right thing by not signing up for the 3 months provisional course at MI,this way,i would'nt have to stand the pain of not being able to, i dunnoe,can't find the phrase for it.
The irony,ha.
Smoking was something i condemned in the past.
It's bad for health and everything.
But it takes all the pressure and unhappiness away.
To my friends,i dun ask for ur forgiveness but only your understanding.
I know i've dissappointed you.
But it was because you cared too much.That now the only way for me to get out of this mess is by throwing myself into dispair and make myself numb to this pain that's tearing me apart bit by bit.
Why?Why must everything that i do make me remind myself of you.
Tried.But still,i can't get you off my mind.
To Zhili,Huixin,leslie and jia qian,thanks for being there for me yesterdae..
Shall end here...i can't take this much more...

10:23 PM