Goal!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

It's been a week now since my grandma has passed away...
8 days since i've last talked to her...
I miss her so...i really do...
It's so hard fer me to come back to my house now...
even more so when i'm alone, or in my grandma's room...
the pain is really unbearable...
I'm just so mad..
mad at the so called gods who took her away from me,my family...
it's just so sudden...
if only i could turn back time to a week ago...
i would've come back straight home from sch...
and tell my grandma how much i love her...
how important she is to me and my family...
how sorry i am for being such a useless grandson..
but i can't now,and this really kills me so..
it's just lyk you want to rip your heart out of yourself and cry lyk there's no tml..
bt the truth is,i can't now,and never would i be able to...
I feel lyk such a useless brother to my brother louis...
I saw him crying in my grandma's room the morning the day b4...
it was 4a.m...
i opened the door and saw him in there...
but i didnt do my capacity as the eldest son to comfort him...
i just left and closed the door..
went back to find comfort in my room..
it's still bloody painful to recall all these memories...
and during the wake, icould see him going to my grandma's side and cry
again i did nothing and turned away...
it's just simply too heartwrenching for me...
everywhere in the house just floods me with my grandma's memories..
even in this room...
memories of her coming into the room, telling me to go have my dinner...
but now..there'll be nobody to tell me dat...
nobody whom i can call ah ma...
i just want her back....
just give her back to me...
there's still so much tht i wanna tell her,show her...
i want to bring her to different places for meals....
there's just so much i wanna do wif her...
i haven do my part as a grandson...
God,I just hate you..
go burn in hell...

8:17 PM